” That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot.I’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.Cronacoaster noun: the ups and downs of a pandemic. One day you’re loving your bubble, doing work outs, baking banana bread, and going for long walks and the next you’re crying, drinking gin for breakfast and missing people you don’t even like.I’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 23, my humor suggests I’m 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.I’m getting tired of being part of a major historical event.I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my exit.How many of us have looked around our family reunion and thought “Well aren’t we just two clowns short of a circus?”You don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.We all get heavier as we get older, because there’s a lot more information in our heads. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.✧ ✧. He says I have an unhealthy appetite, or an obsession with eating pussy, therefore I MUST be some kind of freak.I tell him he wouldn't think it was unhealthy if his wife let him do it more often and would wiggle her ass a little when he did, therefore he MUST be undersexed.Keli was my kid's third grade teacher years ago. Keli is not undersexed. We bumped into each other at a TGI Friday's. Literally, we bumped into each other and I sloshed beer on her shirt--what women call a "top" (so where are you going to wear a shirt, on your bottom?).She's divorced too, and dangerously pretty.Yada-yada, ten days later we're naked in her queen-sized bed, and it turns out Keli and I are a perfect match: oh jesus I love to eat it, and oh god she loves to put it out.A lot of times we don't even fuck.I told my roommate I bet I've had my face between her legs in more positions than he knows how to fuck in. He says I'm a freak. Then he says, "Tell me more about Keli."Well, she doesn't shave her pussy,.
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